Fear
I saw the most disturbing movie. I mean it was really, really disturbing. It’s called Open Water and it’s about this couple that accidentally gets left out in the middle of the ocean by their diving tour group. They have their scuba gear and all that, but that’s it!
They have to deal with sharks, jellyfish, all of that mess, not to mention the mess that’s going on in their heads. A few hours pass, and then a few more, and you can actually feel the breakdown of hope.
HOW horrifying.
Now, I love the water, the ocean, tidal waves, all of that with an ardent kind of passion. I’m simply in awe of it. I think that it has something to do with the fact that it is so colossal and powerful, yet so graceful and beautiful. I don’t know - I just have a thing with contradictions like that, and I really respect the potential it possesses.
But while I was watching this movie, I noticed that the camera angles were trying to simulate the perspectives of these two people – floating out there with nothing as far as the eye could see, and I found myself terrified! Can you imagine it? Just floating out there with nothing but a slim to none chance that anyone would ever be able to find you, and that’s assuming they even knew you were gone in the first place before it was too late!? Oh, wow – talk about a test of your faculties.
It started to really get scary when the sharks came closer and closer, actually nipping at the two people! Can you even IMAGINE the terror? No? OK, then how about this, the day is ending, the sun sets, and it’s pitch black… except for when the lightening flashes and lights up just enough of the water so that you can see the tops of the shark fins swimming by you! You scream but can’t even hear it because the thunder that immediately follows is so deafening!
GAHHHHH!!!
This is fear ladies and gentlemen. Real fear. Real fear for your life fear. After seeing this movie, my neurotic marathon episodes have been put into their places in the cabinet, filed by this world of ours under “S” for “Stuff to fear when you’re not paying attention to what I can really do to you.”
I won’t tell you anything more about this movie because you just have to see it to understand what I’m talking about. There is NOTHING in my everyday normal life that compares to this kind of fear. Nothing. This movie is absolutely laser carved into my psyche now, and when I start thinking I have something to be afraid of, it’s just going to glow and invite me to make comparisons.
Man, fear is a really strange thing. But you know, I'm finding that you can make peace with pretty much anything, even fear. The only time you can't make peace with something is when it's shoved in your face to the point where you can't even breathe. You have to wait that kind of thing out, come out of defense mode and wait until you can breathe again. Then go back for it. And when you do finally go back to those old halls, you're usually older, stronger, wiser...a place you probably wouldn't have gotten to had you not been scared straight to Hell at some point in the first place. Life has a way of reasoning things for us like that.
I guess everything happens for reason...even being afraid for your life - mortal or philosophical. Maybe the trick is just to try to accept that all of the pieces, even the big and scary ones, are needed to put together the whole puzzle so that we can see who we really are. Then we can put things into perspective and finally claim that that long sought after peace of mind.
So, I do not fear this marathon anymore. I respect the distance and will do my best - but it's not my ocean. Nothing is the ocean, not even metaphorically speaking - I don’t care how bad things seem at the time.
Oh, what a reality check.
And ironically, swimming today was nixed due to a scheduling mess that’s too boring to go into (it also killed my hills plan - I'll have to make those up, too), so I get to swim on Sunday with the brick workout at the gym. Cool, my own little triathlon…Oh, thank you that Monday is my rest day.
They have to deal with sharks, jellyfish, all of that mess, not to mention the mess that’s going on in their heads. A few hours pass, and then a few more, and you can actually feel the breakdown of hope.
HOW horrifying.
Now, I love the water, the ocean, tidal waves, all of that with an ardent kind of passion. I’m simply in awe of it. I think that it has something to do with the fact that it is so colossal and powerful, yet so graceful and beautiful. I don’t know - I just have a thing with contradictions like that, and I really respect the potential it possesses.
But while I was watching this movie, I noticed that the camera angles were trying to simulate the perspectives of these two people – floating out there with nothing as far as the eye could see, and I found myself terrified! Can you imagine it? Just floating out there with nothing but a slim to none chance that anyone would ever be able to find you, and that’s assuming they even knew you were gone in the first place before it was too late!? Oh, wow – talk about a test of your faculties.
It started to really get scary when the sharks came closer and closer, actually nipping at the two people! Can you even IMAGINE the terror? No? OK, then how about this, the day is ending, the sun sets, and it’s pitch black… except for when the lightening flashes and lights up just enough of the water so that you can see the tops of the shark fins swimming by you! You scream but can’t even hear it because the thunder that immediately follows is so deafening!
GAHHHHH!!!
This is fear ladies and gentlemen. Real fear. Real fear for your life fear. After seeing this movie, my neurotic marathon episodes have been put into their places in the cabinet, filed by this world of ours under “S” for “Stuff to fear when you’re not paying attention to what I can really do to you.”
I won’t tell you anything more about this movie because you just have to see it to understand what I’m talking about. There is NOTHING in my everyday normal life that compares to this kind of fear. Nothing. This movie is absolutely laser carved into my psyche now, and when I start thinking I have something to be afraid of, it’s just going to glow and invite me to make comparisons.
Man, fear is a really strange thing. But you know, I'm finding that you can make peace with pretty much anything, even fear. The only time you can't make peace with something is when it's shoved in your face to the point where you can't even breathe. You have to wait that kind of thing out, come out of defense mode and wait until you can breathe again. Then go back for it. And when you do finally go back to those old halls, you're usually older, stronger, wiser...a place you probably wouldn't have gotten to had you not been scared straight to Hell at some point in the first place. Life has a way of reasoning things for us like that.
I guess everything happens for reason...even being afraid for your life - mortal or philosophical. Maybe the trick is just to try to accept that all of the pieces, even the big and scary ones, are needed to put together the whole puzzle so that we can see who we really are. Then we can put things into perspective and finally claim that that long sought after peace of mind.
So, I do not fear this marathon anymore. I respect the distance and will do my best - but it's not my ocean. Nothing is the ocean, not even metaphorically speaking - I don’t care how bad things seem at the time.
Oh, what a reality check.
And ironically, swimming today was nixed due to a scheduling mess that’s too boring to go into (it also killed my hills plan - I'll have to make those up, too), so I get to swim on Sunday with the brick workout at the gym. Cool, my own little triathlon…Oh, thank you that Monday is my rest day.
posted by Wil at 9:43 PM
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