Nine Days
Sometimes I swear that I go to sleep at night as one person and wake up the next day as someone else, only to slowly get back to that night-before person as the day goes by. Now, what the crap is that?
See, last night I went to sleep feeling all kinds of ready and confident about Steelhead. But Mind woke me up this morning around 4:00 with a bunch of clanging and crashing into things.
Steelhead is nine days away. Nine days, do you understand?
Oh, Mind, shut up. I’m tired, man! Go to sleep!
Body, YOU of all people should be awake and doing something about this. Come on, get up! Get up!!
Mind, I swear to God if you flip that switch I will pound you.
Guys, shut up! Everyone go back to sleep!
But it was too late. I was awake and tired at the same time. I was stuck in between both worlds. I couldn’t get up to go and accomplish something toward Steelhead, as Body was already promised an afternoon workout instead of a morning session. BUT, I couldn’t go back to sleep either with Mind jabbering on like Rainman. So, I just lied in bed and tried to imagine race morning.
I realized that I was probably going to be calm because in the face of insanity, I somehow flip on auto pilot. This is what happened with the waves halfway to Wisconsin during SEBA #3 the other day. Big-freakin’ swells and no sign of my training partner, or the beach for that matter, but I somehow managed to keep it together. Maybe it’s a form of shock, I don’t know. It just works and I get through –survival mode maybe. Anyway, I have a feeling that come the morning of Steelhead, that ghostly glue, or whatever it is, will hold me together. You know how you just know things? I guess that it's kind of like that.
Funny how this time I can see it coming - wish that I would have been paying better attention before the marathon, I wouldn’t have been half as stressed. I guess that at a certain point you just learn to trust yourself, you learn to trust that something will get you through no matter what.
So, I suppose it all breaks down like this: Body has resigned to not freak out anymore. It needed to sweat the sweat and to go the distance, and now that those things are done, it’s content. Heh, I bet that’s probably why Mind is all a-babble - there’s no one to freak-out with this time. Actually though, maybe Mind is just always going to be all a-babble no matter what the situation. Funny, but that makes more sense than I’d like it to, and I’m still OK with it.
Oh, yeah, and Heart. Well, oddly enough Heart is kind of AWOL. I don’t know what’s going on there – off to the mountain tops or something to reflect and meditate for these last few days. I mean, it's not like I don't care, I just feel like I'm kind of in a quiet zone with things. I'm not really excited or on edge or anything, it just feels like a float until race day. Maybe that’s what’s going on. Heart is off floating. Heh - nice of it to let me know or something, man. Though, Heart’s just weird like that sometimes. It goes a while without saying a lot about training, but then comes out of nowhere just when I’ve gotten to either the screw it then, I’ll do it myself point, or the screw it then, I can't do it myself point. What a ridiculous relationship this is.
But, I guess that I know it will be there when I need it, and maybe that's all I ever needed to learn about myself in the first place.
OK, I’m still ready.
See, last night I went to sleep feeling all kinds of ready and confident about Steelhead. But Mind woke me up this morning around 4:00 with a bunch of clanging and crashing into things.
Steelhead is nine days away. Nine days, do you understand?
Oh, Mind, shut up. I’m tired, man! Go to sleep!
Body, YOU of all people should be awake and doing something about this. Come on, get up! Get up!!
Mind, I swear to God if you flip that switch I will pound you.
Guys, shut up! Everyone go back to sleep!
But it was too late. I was awake and tired at the same time. I was stuck in between both worlds. I couldn’t get up to go and accomplish something toward Steelhead, as Body was already promised an afternoon workout instead of a morning session. BUT, I couldn’t go back to sleep either with Mind jabbering on like Rainman. So, I just lied in bed and tried to imagine race morning.
I realized that I was probably going to be calm because in the face of insanity, I somehow flip on auto pilot. This is what happened with the waves halfway to Wisconsin during SEBA #3 the other day. Big-freakin’ swells and no sign of my training partner, or the beach for that matter, but I somehow managed to keep it together. Maybe it’s a form of shock, I don’t know. It just works and I get through –survival mode maybe. Anyway, I have a feeling that come the morning of Steelhead, that ghostly glue, or whatever it is, will hold me together. You know how you just know things? I guess that it's kind of like that.
Funny how this time I can see it coming - wish that I would have been paying better attention before the marathon, I wouldn’t have been half as stressed. I guess that at a certain point you just learn to trust yourself, you learn to trust that something will get you through no matter what.
So, I suppose it all breaks down like this: Body has resigned to not freak out anymore. It needed to sweat the sweat and to go the distance, and now that those things are done, it’s content. Heh, I bet that’s probably why Mind is all a-babble - there’s no one to freak-out with this time. Actually though, maybe Mind is just always going to be all a-babble no matter what the situation. Funny, but that makes more sense than I’d like it to, and I’m still OK with it.
Oh, yeah, and Heart. Well, oddly enough Heart is kind of AWOL. I don’t know what’s going on there – off to the mountain tops or something to reflect and meditate for these last few days. I mean, it's not like I don't care, I just feel like I'm kind of in a quiet zone with things. I'm not really excited or on edge or anything, it just feels like a float until race day. Maybe that’s what’s going on. Heart is off floating. Heh - nice of it to let me know or something, man. Though, Heart’s just weird like that sometimes. It goes a while without saying a lot about training, but then comes out of nowhere just when I’ve gotten to either the screw it then, I’ll do it myself point, or the screw it then, I can't do it myself point. What a ridiculous relationship this is.
But, I guess that I know it will be there when I need it, and maybe that's all I ever needed to learn about myself in the first place.
OK, I’m still ready.
posted by Wil at 10:26 AM
7 Comments:
Well, there just comes a point where there's nothing more you can do and whatever you've done up to that point will have to be enough.
Once you're at that point, there's nothing more for your mind to doubt and jabber about, so it has no choice but to shut up and get down to business. ;-)
That's how it works with me, at any rate.
Wow! You are amazing. I wish I had the ambition to do what you do. Good luck!
You have been ready for some time, you just didn't know or accept it...
So true Wil! You really capture the inner workings of this triathlete for one with posts like this. I go through the same thing!
You WILL do it, I wish you luck. The middle of the night is always the worst time for our fears to catch up with us, but resist and visualize, right?
Yes, you are ready. Just remember: it's the best and most patient strategy that wins the day. And things always look better in the light of day, don't they?
it sounds like a sincere taper to me. you are beyond ready and iam sure in a few days Mind will realize it too. you are going to rock! heck, you already do girl!
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