Unraveling It

Things like this, these unexpected reactions and behaviors of mine, provoke me into some self-analysis. I suppose that's a good thing because then at least I have the chance to find my leaks and repair them before I go down because of them. I just wish that it wasn't always such an exhausting process, though I suppose that it just makes for a more satisfying experience in the end, right?

Anyway, let's do this.

I fell asleep at 8:00 last night. Maybe I was just tired – that usually leaves the door unlatched for freak-outs to sneak in and mess up the place. I guess that it comes with the territory, though. I mean, I can’t expect this race to ride onto the field in pink ruffles or anything, now can I? And, well, it definitely didn’t do that. I’m glad that the e-mail came when it did, however, or that residual fear that I was harboring would have never been exposed. Well, at least not until it was too late - yeah, see, everything happens for a reason.

All right, anyway, I've been thinking about how these ups and downs are a lot like the waves out there. One minute everything is fine, but come a swell from nowhere and the only thing I can do is fight to get my head to the surface and try to start all over again. After a few waves like this, the lesson starts to reveal itself if I’m paying any kind of attention, and I learn to adapt. I mean, it's either that or a not so appealing alternative.

Heh, you know what, maybe Body and Mind really do have the same obstacles. Waves are waves, and it only makes sense that that the physical fix could be adapted for the mental fix. Ahh, hold on a minute...let’s go down this road.

See, what saved me out there on my way to Wisconsin last Tuesday was accepting the fact that there would be more waves, bigger waves, and if I was ever going to make it back to the beach in one piece I’d better learn how to anticipate them, as I couldn’t stop them from coming. Soon enough, I learned that it wasn’t really the wave itself that I had trouble with - it was the sudden situation of it, and there was already just too much trying to fit into that instant that the wave crashed down. I had no plan, and survival instincts always kick in if there’s no plan ahead of time. Now, those are great and all in a pinch, but they just burn up too much gas when you're in it for the long haul. Man, no wonder I fell asleep at 8:00 last night. I had no plan in place for the mental wave of that e-mail.

OK, so what did I say - what works for Body, then, should work for Mind, right? Well, here we go, let’s test it out: I resolve that there will likely be a few more of these freak-out episodes before all is said and done. The first trick is figuring out the pattern. In the water, the waves seem to come in a rhythm, and all I have to do is line up my breathing and stroke with that rhythm and I'm fine – OK, so breathing and stroke correlate mentally to thought and action, and that means that I have to line up what I think and do with these mental freak-out waves in order to get through them without, in fact, freaking out!

The mental freak-out waves come in a rhythm, too. The first one right after I sign up for a big race, the second as I approach the peak of training for the race, and the biggest and final one right before the race. During these times, I’ll think – “I know I’m going to want to freak out pretty soon, but I’ve been here before and I’ve lived. When it comes, I'll do X, Y, and Z and it will all pass.” In turn, I’ll do what I've been doing, X: a recap of all of the training that I’ve done so far by flipping through my training logs, Y: I'll read/watch inspirational things, and Z: I'll talk to supportive and encouraging people.

Well, looking at it that way, I guess that the leak in my goggles was not knowing to anticipate the freak-outs. Now that I'll be doing that, I'll be able to tap into my plan for them in advance, and should therefore be able to avoid going the survival instinct flailing and gasping default route.

Ta-Dahhh!

All right, now it's untangled. All that's left is to jump off that pier (yeah...with both feet, coach).