Run and See

"Start me up. If you start me up I'll never stop..."

"AND THEY'RE OFF! GOOD LUCK HALF-MARATHONERS!"

"If you start me up..."

"Oops, sorry!! Sorry, excus- excuse me..."

"Start me up...I'll never stop..."

Beep...bbeep...bee-bbb-eeeppp--bb---beep bbeepp.......

"...if you start me up..."

....Bbeeeep.... Ha.

The race started at 7:30 a.m. I got out of the car at 7:29:30 a.m., ran to the starting line, and...didn't stop. There were 1,000-odd runners in the field, and they were everywhere.

"We went skiing last December and Carol had no idea... but it'll be fine...then it was great, did you read the review ...because when he let up it stopped until ... mile 2 already, how's the ... forecast you're hoping for is... ya está bien... and if so maybe it'll last... for you or for her? Does it fit...if you look over the first hill you'll see...and because of that maybe she'll figure it out..."

The Rolling Stones faded, and I found myself wrapped up in the weaving conversations of the runners around me. The air was already thick and hazy, and it clearly wasn't going to rain like the news had predicted. Interestingly enough, I was neither happy nor disappointed, and figured this was because I'd had good and bad runs either way. There was no guarantee of anything, so I could only run and see. Then, as the mile three marker materialized, I realized something was different after all. For the first time ever, I felt I was racing instead of simply surviving.

For some reason, just naturally, I wasn't running all out and just trying to hold on for as long as I could. There was something left in reserve, and discovering this created a strange sense of excitement that I tried to keep quiet inside of myself, as if it were some random $100 bill at my feet on a crowded street. I didn't know exactly what to do - speed up before it wore off? Slow down to prolong the effects? Fortunately, before I could think myself into messing it up, I just stuck it in my pocket inadvertently in order to free my proverbial hands and greet a few friends I happend upon.

They'd run this race a few years ago when I did the full course, and I was thrilled to see them again out there running like this. "Hey! Thanks for coming out! Thanks!........Thanks for being there!" they waved and said thank you to each of the 9 spectators who came out to sit on their porches at 8:00 that fine, starting to be sticky Saturday morning, and we ran together for a mile or so before our paces parted us. I felt comfortable and happy because I'd seen my friends, and because my miles were hovering right around 10 minutes per my coach's plan. It all seemed right on track, but over the next quarter mile or so, things became very ... odd.

Almost immediately I ran into Glen, the pacer friend of a friend without whom I'd likely still be running the 2005 Chicago Marathon, having gone into it so God-awful unprepared.

"Glen!"

"Hey! You recognized the back of my head huh?"

"Well I spent five hours behind it not too long ago..."

"Hehe... yeah I guess so, wow, good to see you!"

We ran together for a few more minutes, and I learned the people he was pacing were on track for a 2:20 finish.

"I'm glad I ran into you! Have a great race!" and just like some strange Christmas Carol sort of flashback, they, like my other friends, were absorbed into the pack. But maybe I was the one absorbed, I'm not quite sure, I only know as the haze thickened it was clear we had different paths to take for this race on this day.

After one more quarter mile I realized Luis, another 3:30 marathoner Flash Gordon from the Chicago friends crew, had appeared by my side. "Hey, little sister!"

"Hey what's up! You out here pacing today?"

"Yep but looks like Glen's got it. Whatcha out doing?"

"Hopefully I'll get in before my time last year, anything under 2:26 would be nice."

"Oh you've got that easy if you keep up like this."

"Heh, well I hope..."

We ran a while more in the same neighborhood of each other, he'd bop ahead or high-five a spectator, and every once in a while would return like a daddy bird with jokes for my mood and general advice for my game... "Getting hot out here, at the next stop grab a cup and soak your hat OK?" The last time he saw me running was at the Chicago marathon, after all, and it wasn't pretty.

We rounded mile six and I overheard him telling a struggling girl beside him, "...run with your head held high, proud. Your body will follow...don't look down..."

...don't look down? You're body will follow? Huh... Everything in my head rerouted to process this, like it had found some sort of long lost missing piece.

I've always run looking down, not for any particular reason I can think of, it's just never occurred to me to look up. I mean, it's not like I go so fast I'd crash into something if I didn't right? But the thought honestly never entered my mind to hold my head up regardless of how fast I was going. To be 'proud', in spite of the speed.

I raised my chin, and saw a whole new world before me.

A block up the road there were little kids playing in the sprinkler, and jumping up and down in fits of giggles as the water rotated over the runners in the street...ha, oh, because they're in clothes and not swimsuits... Another block up I passed a lady on the curb in a wheelchair with a smile like I've never seen... a certain kind of satisfied I concluded, but would likely not fully understand for many years to come.

Mile 7.... mile 8... the sun was out, I soaked my hat and by mile 9, when my pace slowed substantially, I noticed everything sinking into the sidewalks around me again. If it would just rain already...

Just then Luis returned to say he was heading back to Glen and the others. "Hey, you want your PR, hold that head up high! See you at the finish line!" And like an apparent ghost of Running Future having delivered his message, he too, disappeared somewhere into the pack.

Mile 10. Three more miles. I raised my chin and flipped on my iPod.

"...People do you hear me just give me the sign
It ain't much Im asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future for the dreams of youth
I want it all ..."

Heh...

I don't know how fast I ran then, I'd stopped checking my watch knowing I had to hit 9-minute miles in order to make up time and come in at 2:13, what would be an overall half-marathon PR, and well below the 2:26 PR on this course. Either way, I'd win. I laughed a little letting the less tightly wound part of me project myself into one of those 80s anthem movies with the surprise finish - the ones where you're on the edge of your seat cheering for the hero, but are never 100% sure so until the final seconds, all you have is hope. But in those last three miles I remembered I had something else. $100 in my pocket.

"...So I'm living it all (yes I'm living it all)
And I'm giving it all (and I'm giving it all)"

Mile 11 water stop..."Water! Gatorade!"

"Thanks, no, thank you..." Suddenly the road started rising, and I remembered one of Luis' daddy bird bits of advice. There's this hill around 11-12, but then it's all smooth to the finish...

Ugh....

"It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future
Hear the cry of youth (hear the cry hear the cry of youth)
I want it all... I want it all... I want it all... and I want it now..."

...head held high...body will follow...don't look down...

9:22.....9:13......come on... come on...

Mile 13, the Notre Dame fight song poured from the stadium and crashed into me and several others at the gate.

"Excus- oops, sorry, excuse me...."

2:13:41... 42...43...

I looked up and saw crowds of people. Lights. A hang glider, a hot air balloon.

Bb-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep....................

"When I started I wasn't sure... but it was fine...then it was great, I'm making a prediction ...because when he let go he went until ... mile 13 already, was it the ... forecast you hoped for... ya estaba bien... and now maybe it'll last... for you and her, it fits...when I looked over the first hill I saw...and she finally figured it out..."

The haze had burned off by the finish line where I noted my time, 2:15:49 - 1 minute off of that overall half-marathon PR, but a new PR on this course by 10 minutes almost exactly. I was happy; held my head up and looked around at everything and everyone before heading back to the finish line, excited to cheer on all my friends running in.