To the Internet!
I had a relatively good day today; the sun was shining, I had minimal [dare I tempt fate and say, "if any"] idiot encounters, and a pleasant drive home from school. My favorite TV show is on tonight (Supernatural, for those of you new to the place. Shout out to thank my BFF, Leddy), and my husband's company along with his awesome bruschetta await. What could possibly mar this day??
Via the USPS, enter: pesky fate.
"Because you had at least two traffic incidents withing a 12-month period, the Inidana Bureau of Motor Vehicles [to be known henceforth as das Gestapo] will suspend your driving privileges unless you successfully complete a Driver Safety Program [the article "a" indicating common nouns: "driver" "safety" and "program," yet, the words are nonetheless bombastically capitalized. Hmf]. You must contact one of the companies listed below [one of which is Blockbuster. Sure, I'll say it again. Blockbuster] to take the class. If you successfully complete the [aaaand once again pompous caps, though at least it's with "the" this time] Driver Safety Program on time, the BMV will send notice canceling the pending suspension [gee you're pals. And by pals, I mean #*@&$%!!&@#%!s].
The Driver Safety Program lasts a minimum of four hours, costs a maximum of $50 [because my two $125 speeding tickets apparently didn't buy Heir #*@&$%!!&@#%! enough large intestine drain declogger] and includes a driver [lower case. Because now it's about the rest of us and we're peons] safety test. After you successfully complete the Driver Safety Program, the vendor [which will likely be Blockbuster. Dear God, I don't even rent movies there and now all my future motorized excursions are in their damnable censoring hands!] will transfer your test results to the BMV [once again for those of you who were on the throne... das Gestapo]. Then the BMV will add a four-point credit, effective for three years, to your driving record [I'll take "wtf is a four-point credit??" for $200, Alex].
The BMV must receive your [let me just reiterate how much this annoys me by saying, FGIQJGOEWIJGOWIHEOWHIEO!!! FJIWJEG!] Driver Safety Program test results before 02/03/2010. You should give the vendor [once more in case you missed my first few exasperations, effing BLOCKBUSTER!] and the BMV 10 business days to [think up fantastical new names for your pathetic-9-miles-going-over-the-speed-limit-tax-paying-non-murder (yet) - committing-educator-upstanding citizen-loser-self] process the information."
The only thing that would have made this better is if das Gestapo would have signed it, "have a nice day."
Yeah. No wonder people invented Voodoo.
Via the USPS, enter: pesky fate.
"Because you had at least two traffic incidents withing a 12-month period, the Inidana Bureau of Motor Vehicles [to be known henceforth as das Gestapo] will suspend your driving privileges unless you successfully complete a Driver Safety Program [the article "a" indicating common nouns: "driver" "safety" and "program," yet, the words are nonetheless bombastically capitalized. Hmf]. You must contact one of the companies listed below [one of which is Blockbuster. Sure, I'll say it again. Blockbuster] to take the class. If you successfully complete the [aaaand once again pompous caps, though at least it's with "the" this time] Driver Safety Program on time, the BMV will send notice canceling the pending suspension [gee you're pals. And by pals, I mean #*@&$%!!&@#%!s].
The Driver Safety Program lasts a minimum of four hours, costs a maximum of $50 [because my two $125 speeding tickets apparently didn't buy Heir #*@&$%!!&@#%! enough large intestine drain declogger] and includes a driver [lower case. Because now it's about the rest of us and we're peons] safety test. After you successfully complete the Driver Safety Program, the vendor [which will likely be Blockbuster. Dear God, I don't even rent movies there and now all my future motorized excursions are in their damnable censoring hands!] will transfer your test results to the BMV [once again for those of you who were on the throne... das Gestapo]. Then the BMV will add a four-point credit, effective for three years, to your driving record [I'll take "wtf is a four-point credit??" for $200, Alex].
The BMV must receive your [let me just reiterate how much this annoys me by saying, FGIQJGOEWIJGOWIHEOWHIEO!!! FJIWJEG!] Driver Safety Program test results before 02/03/2010. You should give the vendor [once more in case you missed my first few exasperations, effing BLOCKBUSTER!] and the BMV 10 business days to [think up fantastical new names for your pathetic-9-miles-going-over-the-speed-limit-tax-paying-non-murder (yet) - committing-educator-upstanding citizen-loser-self] process the information."
The only thing that would have made this better is if das Gestapo would have signed it, "have a nice day."
Yeah. No wonder people invented Voodoo.
8 Comments:
First - thanks for the props. I do "heart" my boys. Second - ARE YOU EFFING kidddddddiiiiiiinnnnnnggg me with this crap? Wow. OK, so inevitably you're going to meet someone you could only meet as such a ridiculous place, which you wouldn't otherwise frequent, and something good IS going to come from this, somehow...and THAT is the ONLY way I am able to process this right now. That's it.
That so sucks. I think the universe owes you for that one, so you should totally get a lottery ticket so good luck has a chance to balance the equation.
Well that does suck. Pretty funny though too the way you transformed it. Karma will reward you for that!
I can't understand the problem. A couple of tickets = driver's training. It sounds like a good trade off for the rest of the people on the road.
Al - it's a bit stupid when I got the tickets, each for going under 10 miles an hour over. The next time you're cruising at 39 and 37 respectively in a 30, ask yourself how asinine it would be for you to get a ticket, then drivers training. Hardly "endangering the lives of the rest of the people on the road," eh, Mario? It's called they cut property taxes and need to make some money for the city somehow. I'm sure it'll make its way to your town too.
I'm with Al. Sounds fare to me. I can't believe you're whining about this. And you shouldn't be making excuses. Two moving violations in one year? Be glad they're giving you a chance to keep your driving PRIVILEGE rather than having it suspended for a while. It sounds like you were in a residential area. Keep in mind your speed is relative; going 10mph over in a 30mph zone (33% faster) is much more dangerous than going 10mph in a 55mph zone (10% faster). Were you purposely speeding or just not paying attention. Neither is excusable. If all this makes you more aware of your speed from now on then it's all worth it.
Wow! Man I wrote this whole post as a fun little thing, Mike, how's the air up there on your high horse buddy? It was on a main drag, thank you very much, and the mileage over was because I was keeping up with traffic; I just happened to be the last one in the line of cars. Way to be a judgmental though, holy crap. I hope you know you've likely just invoked Karma to pick you off as well the next time you're going a handful of miles over.
Get a grip, all ye current and would be stone throwers. It's a little blog rant, not a freaking declaration of war. Moving on...
It's an 8 hour class here. (Not that I have ever attended-I have never gotten a ticket. For anything.)
You got lucky.
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